i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
