cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
