I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
