when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
