My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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