is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
