I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
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