Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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