I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
