How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
