i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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