it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
