so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
