she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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