dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
