so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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