and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
