I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
