I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
no you cant smoke seaweed
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
