so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
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these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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