i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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