this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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