I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
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Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
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we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
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