Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
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It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
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