Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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