i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
