forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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