im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
