this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
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my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
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Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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