You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
