Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
