This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize
