Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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