you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
