Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
