Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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