anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
