The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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