I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
