I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize