Cold hands, warm shart.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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