Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
