Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
