I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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