Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
