I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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