I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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