I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
