Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
