I just saw a hot homeless man
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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