Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
