You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
