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• (317): View more from Indiana

  I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.

  (317): View more from Indiana

  And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt

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• (631): View more from New York

  She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina

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• (817): View more from Texas

  They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.

  (214): View more from Texas

  Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.

  (817): View more from Texas

  You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.

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  These 23 People Are Living Shocking Lies

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (810): View more from Michigan

  It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.

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• (661): View more from California

  I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.

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• (310): View more from California

  Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year

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  The 17 Absolute Worst Divorces Imaginable

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (212): View more from New York

  maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist

  (209): View more from California

  what is your life

  (917): View more from New York City

  Free champagne that's what

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