he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
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We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
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He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.