considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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