Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.