ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.