hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen