Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Is Oprah even human
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
