I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
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Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
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I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
did i just pee glitter