I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
