Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
