I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
