ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
