i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
