I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
