He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
