Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
