all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
