They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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