He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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