idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
