how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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