You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
